Forks in the Road

Someone once told me that one of the blessings of being single was a simpler life. I hope that asshole is dead because he lied. Hard.

I never thought it possible, but my life has actually gotten more complicated since my girl left me.

Before the breakup, I had a constant urge to create. Music, articles, games, it didn't matter. I just had to do it. Now, I have a constant urge to create, but can't maintain one emotion long enough to actually create anything. I wind up with bits and pieces of songs, articles, and stories that end up going nowhere beacsue whatever I was feeling at the time vanished and gave way to something new in minutes.

In an effort to regain some sense of control in my life, I decided to take on a submissive. Technically, I was just as capable of doing this when I was with Steph, but the person I had in mind was iffy. But now we've established a Dom/sub relationship. The only problem is, she is the one person on earth completly put off by anything resembling a human emotion. The only way this can possibly work is if we have one rule: No breathing.

But the confusion continues. I still love Steph and if she were to ask me back out, I can't say I'd say no. It would take alot of thinking but the temptation would be immense. At the same time, there is another girl who stepped up while a majority of my friends stepped down. I had feelings for her going back a long time, but with recent events, they've only grown. Saddly it seems I can't have either. Steph isn't talking to me and I have serious doubts that she will any time soon, and almost no faith in the idea that she's going to want me back. And the other girl, whom shall remain nameless for her privacy, is worried about corrupting me. While I understand her concerns, that is really the least of my worries.

So I'm back where I was a year or so ago. Single, torn between two women I seemingly can't have, and unsure of what to do or where to go next. At my side (figuratively. Fuck you, distance) is a woman who while great, isn't able to give me what I want. In many ways this situation is very much a mirror image of last years, although I doubt very much things will turn out the same.